This year I decided that from now on fear was going to be my friend. I mean fear in a good sense, fear that will leave me with memories, experiences and moments I can keep forever. Like any normal person, I like to be within the limits of my comfort zone. I am very much a creature of habit. I like my routine, my organization, my space and the idea of knowing. I do think I have made an effort to practice being fearless, even in small details, since I began college. I have consciously made it a priority to befriend individuals that will, in some way, help me grow. People who are fun and kind (which are two things I find really important), but that also care about themselves in a positive way, about others, about their future and mine, because good friends think about not only themselves, but about you as well. I found people like this when I decided to be fearless in relationships in general, whether that was with friendships, family, and love.
I actually started dating my boyfriend during a time where I decided to be more open-minded and less harsh on myself. I think we both didn't think what started out as something completely casual would be what it is today. I look back at that time now and I think it's crazy how life works. Mainly because, part of the reason I am as independent and opinionated as I am now, is because of him (don't get me wrong I have always been a blunt person, but Santi has taught me to speak up for myself when necessary, during a time where I needed it the most. He has taken me out of my comfort in the best way possible, and for that, I am forever grateful.) I don't think he fully knows this, but when we first started dating the thing that attracted me the most was his boldness. I admired his daring way of being, even if it was in small stuff. He says what he feels and does what he wants, always. And that's what I want to be, daring and completely honest. All the time, and in any situation.
I want to be fearless with my ideas, and just go for them. I think out of all things, this is the hardest for me. I am constantly thinking about things I want to start, things I want to do, posts I want to write, pictures I want to take, but I don't do them out of fear.
I want to be fearless with experiences. I think coming to Madrid was a major bittersweet decision for me, and it made me realize that I am capable of doing whatever I want to do. I was scared sh*tless. For almost half a year I was leaving behind my family, Santi, my friends, my school. I was moving to a country I had never even been to. On the other hand, I wanted to live in another culture and travel and eat different foods and just live a different life. I knew that, of course, I would come back to Europe sometime in the future, but never like this. Never as a student, traveling with my roommates and being as careless as we can be now. And I know if I didn't take the opportunity when I had the chance, I would have regreted it 100%.
I really am an old soul. I simply like to watch movies, drink wine and eats lots of food. I always tell my roommates I just want to be married, living with my husband in a cute little apartment, so I can have someone to always eat, drink wine and watch movies with (they think I am crazy.) But I am always thinking about the future, and I want to be fearless in the present, so I have these moments to look back on when I am at that stage in my life later on.
This post was actually on a whim, but fear is something that has been on my mind and I wanted to talk about it. We as humans stop ourselves from doing things that we truly want, out of fear, all the time. We live ordinary lives because we are scared of anything that brings uncertainty. From now on I am welcoming this ambiguity into my life, and hope it takes me, and you, to amazing places!
Valeria Laguna x